Pastel raindrops on a sunny day

woensdag 9 mei 2018

Lolita fashion and coping with a chronic illness

This was not the best start of getting back into the habit of blogging like I planned in my last post. But today I have a bit of energy left to pick it up again. 
My health has been going up and down in the past months which had a big influence on my mood and motivation to do anything lolita related besides wearing it in a casual way with a messy bun and no make up. Being in such a slump is always a wake up call for me. I tend to rethink the things I've done in the past months, if I should sell my dresses in order to make up for not wearing it to meetings and events. Or just quit with the whole thing and focus on self care and the things that bring me joy at that time. Which isn't being on facebook or instagram or even looking up new releases in online stores. 

I love lolita fashion a lot and wear it almost every week, in some weeks even everyday. It is my fashion of choice and it is me. But feeling like crap and not having the positive energy to spread my passion on social media with new coords really does something with me. My coords don't feel good enough, they look boring and just out of place. I feel like a pig in my coords even when I know that I am at my lightest at the moment and it is still slowly moving down if I put my mind to it. It just doesn't feel right in these times, like I don't deserve the kindness or the gorgeous dresses in my wardrobe. 

Luckily in the past weeks my health and motivation got a little bit better. From January till mid April I went to a neuropathist to rule out if I had any kind of nerve damage or disease and to a cardiologist to see if my heart was still doing ok cause I had some issues with fainting out of the blue. I went from hospital visit to hospital visit for all kinds of body scans, heart tests and physical tests. I was also send to a physiotherapist to help me with my chronic headaches. My symptoms got a bit better thanks to my physiotherapist and I found some energy back. Which resulted in me going back to work after being home for almost 3 months. Currently I'm also going to an osteopath so see why I'm not making enough progress with the physiotherapy. It is a long way to get back to a healthier life but I'm getting there slowly even though it is a bumpy ride with many big holes in it. 

As for lolita fashion, my love for it will never die that's for sure. But I do have some down moments from time to time. It is those moments where I feel like giving up on everything regarding the fashion just because I can't handle the daily battles of my health at that moment. Having to deal with an unstable health sure brings a lot of troubles along the way. You never know how tomorrow is going to be or even a couple of hours from now. 

I am thankful for everything even my terrible health at some points. This made me who I am today, most of the time a positive spirit bursting from energy when I'm meeting up with friends or go to events. Even when I feel like giving up, have no energy left in me or have lots of pain, it doesn't matter as long as I can be surrounded by the people I care about the most and the fashion I love. 

This blogpost turned out a bit heavier than I was planning to in the beginning. But somehow I feel like I wanted to share this part of my life to with my readers of this blog. Most of my health updates are shared on my facebook which isn't open to people I don't know in person. So sharing it on here is a bit of a gamble, but you don't live your life to the fullest if you don't try to change yourself for a better version of you and if you don't chase your dreams. 

Please let me know if you would like to read more about how I deal with my limitations while going to events, meetings or while traveling. 
I know I find it helpful to learn more about these topics so maybe you do to. 

2 reacties:

  1. Thanks for sharing this. I used to think of lolita as just a collection type hobby, and didn’t really understand why I felt like such an imposter during the times where I only had the energy to collect and admire it. But it’s also an activity, something we WEAR, go places in, build up self confidence for, something we DO, and that aspect of the hobby is just as important to many of us as owning the stuff that goes with it.

    It requires a physical energy investment, and while not extreme, it’s one I would argue is higher than mainstream fashion. (I would go so far as to compare this to the monetary investment required to snag a wardrobe in the first place. For some, the cost is really no big deal and totally not a problem. For others, it’s a bigger hurdle, and they must save longer, work harder, and purchase secondhand. I’m starting to see the effort required to wear full on lolita and general wellness in a similar way. The energy required to wear a multilayered outfit with heels, big hair, and a full face of makeup might not be a big deal at all to someone who’s not also dealing with fatigue, pain, nausea, or some other stressor. When you are dealing with that stuff, though, you realize that wearing this fashion does take more out of you than most mainstream fashion, or what you might wear at home on a sick day or to a doc appointment.)

    My own health has made me seriously rethink the proportion of baggy/loose fitting, casual, breathable, flat/low heeled, and machine washable items in my wardrobe, and how I balance the importance of physical comfort with the emotional comfort of “feeling like myself” (which, when absent, can be an energy drain in and of itself). Hearing from others who are also dealing with stuff like this makes me want to keep trying for that right balance.

    I still feel like a wannabe lolita in casual Milk, H Naoto and BPN, but I also feel a lot closer to home in terms of both happiness and physical comfort than I did when I was forcing myself to wear full on lolita for as long as I could tolerate and then had to crash into mainstream clothes afterwards that were admittedly physically comfortable, but made me feel like that kid who has to use the loaner track suit at school because they forgot their gym uniform... comfy but still yuck!

    1. Finding the right balance between your health and how you look is so important. Sometimes we really need to choose comfort over looks and that is ok.
      Sorry to hear that you are dealing with your health too, it is not always that easy to cope with the limitations while wearing a specific fashion. Wearing brands like Milk, H Naoto or BPN are a great way to look like you want without the multiple layers that will bring you down at the end of the day. I love wearing casual brands even when it is not a full on lolita coord I still feel like I wear lolita fashion with brands like Milk, ETC or other casual otome brand. In the end Lolita fashion is just a name for the clothes we wear and not the value and validation we need to hold on to when wearing clothes. That is something that I've learned along the way over the years.

      Thank you for sharing your story with me.


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